Together in the end
by CarlyWinchester
Summary: After a long time of feeling alone, Kaoru decides to leave the world, and his brother behind. Warning: Major trigger, character death, suicide, self harm, dark themes.


**Warning: Major trigger, character death, suicide, self harm, dark themes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club (sadly…) nor do I own Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin. (Even sadder…) However, I do own the plot so…progress.**

**Kaoru**

I watched Hikaru from across the room. He is talking to Haruhi again. He's always talking with Haruhi. And when he's not talking directly to her, he's talking about her. He'll talk about how pretty her hair looks, or how beautiful her eyes are, and to be honest, it's driving me mad. I love Hikaru, more then I'd like to admit, and I want him to be happy, but I want him to be happy with me, not Haruhi.

I sighed in relief when the Host Club was done for the day. It was hard to have a brotherly love act when only one of the brothers were participating. I walked over to Hikaru, so we could go home together, like we did every day since we started school.

"Ready to go, Hikaru?" I asked him.

"I'm not going home with you today." Hikaru replied. My heart froze$.

"Oh…why?" I asked visually unhappy. We always went together. Always.

"I'm hanging out Haruhi today." Hikaru said not even looking at me, but focusing all his attention on Haruhi.

"Oh okay. I'll see you at home, I guess." Hikaru didn't even reply. He just walked over to Haruhi with a smile. It took all of my will not to start crying. It was selfish, I know, but I loved Hikaru too much, more than a brother should, but I knew I shouldn't. It's taboo, it's wrong, it's incest. If I tell Hikaru how I really feel, he'll hate me. He's the only person I have. Sure I'm friends with people in the Host Club, but none of them get me like Hikaru does. He's my twin, we're always together. Well, we were always together. Now not so much. Not since Haruhi got here. At first, I liked Haruhi, but now I hate her. She's taking my brother away from me, and Hikaru doesn't even realize it. He's too caught up in her, that he doesn't realize what he's doing to me. He's my other half, yet I haven't had a real conversation with him, that didn't involve Haruhi, in weeks. It's driving me mad. But mostly, it's been making me depressed.

I got in the limo. I told the driver that it was just me today. He looked at me, almost knowing my sorrow, and drove off. In the backseat, I lost it. I began sobbing. I missed my brother. I missed Hikaru. I missed our old life. Even when we weren't talking to anyone but ourselves, we at least had ourselves. The Host Club did more then make us social. The brotherly act that Tamaki-senpi had us perform became real for me. But not Hikaru. If anything, it made Hikaru more distant towards me. And every day, when I see him smile at Haruhi, I feel a sharp pain in my chest to know that he'll never look at me the same way.

When I reached my house, I ran upstairs to the room we shared. Technically it's Hikaru's room, but I always sleep in it. Hikaru has never had a problem with it, but I'm sure that now he won't want me here. I wipe a tear away from my eye. I made my decision a few days ago, but I couldn't do it, the thought of leaving him hurt more than the thought of never being with him…until now. I went over to the desk and took out a pad of paper and a pen. I wrote a letter to Hikaru. I wrote down everything I needed to tell him, and left it on the desk, hoping he'd find it soon.

I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out a razor that we left there. _I'm sorry, Hikaru. _I thought as I looked in the mirror; not only seeing myself, but my older brother as well. I let out a chocked sob, and looked away, gripping the sink under my hands.

"I'm so sorry, Hikaru. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Between sobs, I took off my uniform coat, and dropped it on the ground. I rolled my sleeve up, and without hesitation, I sliced the blade across my scarred wrist. I've cut many times before, all starting when Haruhi came to school and stole Hikaru's heart, but this time, I am not going to stop. I'm not going to stop the bleeding, I'm not going to clean the wound. I'm going to keep bleeding until I'm all bled out.

The front door opened, and Hikaru came in. I panicked; he's not supposed to be home yet! I quickly added more and more deeper cuts, and then moved onto the other wrist. I wanted this process to be slow, just in case I had second thoughts, but now I have to hurry before he saves me…unless he doesn't even want to save me. What if he wants me to die? I cut harder and tore deeper until I was sitting in a puddle of blood. That's when Hikaru came into our bedroom.

"Kaoru? Are you in here?" I didn't reply. More tears dripped down my face. "What the-" Hikaru said. _I see he found the letter._

**Hikaru,**

**I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I'm so clingy, and I'm sorry that I'm always in the way. But most importantly, I am sorry about how much I love you. I've always known that you'd hate me if I ever told you, but it needs to be said. I love you, Hikaru. I love you how you love Haruhi. I've felt like this for a while, and I know that you'll never feel the same way for me. And that's okay. I want you to be happy, even if it kills me to see you smile at her, and look at her in a way that you'll never look at me. I've come to accept that. I accept it, but I can't deal with it. Don't blame yourself. This is in no way your fault, nor is it Haruhi's. You can't control how you feel. Like how I can't stop myself from loving you, you can't stop yourself from loving Haruhi (not that you would want to) and I can't stop myself from hating every inch of my body, because of the feelings it holds. I don't understand how people think we're identical, when you're so much more beautiful than I am. You always have been, and you always will be. I love you, Hikaru. I always have, and I always will, not even death can change that. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.**

**Kaoru.**

Hikaru dropped the paper and ran towards the bathroom.

"Kaoru! Open up! Please!" I felt my life slipping away. With every breath, I became weaker.

"It's too late, brother." I said, my last tear dripping down my cheek. "I love you so much." I croak out with the last of my breath.

"I love you too." Hikaru said, voice cracking. I smile. It's the last thing I hear before I'm overcome by darkness.

**Hikaru**

I cry behind the door in hysterics.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault!" I bang on the door, praying that this is just some sick prank, and Kaoru is about to open the door and laugh at my gullibility, then reassure me that he'll never leave me. But I know my prayers are useless. I know he's not coming back.

I get a maid to open the door, then send her away. I don't want her to see Kaoru. I don't want her to see my beautiful little brother like this. Then again, I don't want to see him like that either. And no preparation in the entire world could get me ready for what I saw when the door creaked open. Lying there with so much blood around him, was Kaoru. He was so pale. His hair lost its shine, his soft skin now rough and ripped from the blade that grazed his wrists and arms over a hundred times.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault. Oh, Kaoru, you idiot! How could you leave me like this?!" I pick up his limp body and hold him tightly against my chest. I cry into his hair, and rock back and forth.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so much." I keep telling him, but it's too late. He can't hear me. Even if in death you could hear, it won't make him come back. I hate him for leaving me, but I still love him too much to live without him. Without needing to think, or wanting to think at all, I pull of my jacket, and throw it onto the ground, landing on top of his. I gently pull the razor from his empty grasp, and slice my wrists over and over and over and over until our wrists look as identical as I could make it. As I bleed out, I push Kaoru into a seated position against the wall, and sit next to him. Moving hurts like hell, but I need to do this one last thing. I lightly kiss his forehead as fat tears fall down my face. The tears are not for me and my life now ending, but for Kaoru and the life we couldn't have together. I lay his head on my shoulder, and my head on his. I take his hand in mine, and squeeze.

"I'm coming for you, Kaoru. I'll be with you soon. I love you so much." I say with my last breath. Then it's over. Everything is over except for one thing. And that one thing, is the love that Kaoru and I have for each other. That will never go away. Not even in death.

**I never wrote an Ouran fanfic, and I never wrote I story like this, so please review. Tell me if it was good or not. Please?**


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